Being so busy has helped me keep my mind off of my impending surgery. My ballet school performances are coming up in June and this time of year is always stressful for me. Even though I love what I do, making sure everything is ordered, t-shirt designing, programs, costume alterations and then getting through rehearsals and performances, it can be tough to handle, especially when I still have to take care of 4 kids and a husband, insane back pain and then there’s that surgery looming over my head.
Writing a blog was always something I have thought of doing. I am a pro at finding sales on designer clothing online, Queen of coupon codes, and know exactly which celebrity is wearing what designer. I have often thought about what pictures I would have on my blog and which of my favorite shoes I would post about, etc. Never did it cross my mind that I would ever blog about scoliosis and posting pictures of my deformed back. It’s hardly “fashionable” and no coupon code can fix this.
I never realized how many people like me there were out there. Years ago, I would search and find no one going through what I was. I felt so alone and didn’t have anyone other than my husband to talk to about it and even then, I would be embarrassed and not want him to “examine” my back. Sure, my closest friends knew, but not really to the extent of how awful it actually was. Over the last few days looking at the pictures I posted, to me they don’t really do my back justice because I feel like in person, its a whole other level of “scary”. Maybe I am just so used to seeing these pictures, that it just doesn’t look as “scary” as it is? Just thinking out loud here…. scoliosis
I would like to put one hundred sad face emojis on this post…..Today was just a very emotional day for me. My back didn’t hurt any worse than normal but I had some sad moments.
