Today was an emotional day….
I would like to put one hundred sad face emojis on this post…..Today was just a very emotional day for me. My back didn’t hurt any worse than normal but I had some sad moments.
I love Saturdays. On Saturday’s, I teach my highest level ballet classes. Although I love teaching all my students, the older students are where I get to really let my creativity flow, choreograph and dance. Today while they were at barre, the realization set in that I may not be able to do this much longer. And by “this” I mean dance. Sure I can still teach my older dancers. When I was in New York, I had a 92 year old Russian teacher who didn’t speak more than 5 words of English and barely demonstrated. Teaching, although will be tough, I feel like I can make it work. I will have to change the way I do things with certain classes, but I feel confident, as of right now, that it’s possible. But who knows….I may feel completely different come July. What brought me to tears today was the fact that my ability to DANCE and move with the music either won’t be possible and/or definitely not the same. I watch all my students at barre, who love coming to my classes, who love to see me dance. My dancing has decreased over the years and don’t get me wrong the arthritis is already making my back stiff and I feel 1000 times worse after dancing a whole class but the joy I get from watching those kids watch me is priceless. That after 4 kids and this mess of a back, I still dance beautifully. Stiff, but beautifully.
Ballet has been my life for as long as I can remember. And to have something so precious taken away from me is hard. I have to make that decision to fix me so I can be there for my kids. They are my life now. Ugh, this is hard even writing today.
Today I decided to let myself be vulnerable. People think because I seem fine on the outside that I must not be “that bad”. When the truth of the matter is that I have been in horrible pain for 20 years. I have learned how to camouflage the way I look so it’s not noticed. I have put spanx on with wash cloths folded inside to try to “correct” the twisted rib cage. I grow my hair to my waist to cover it. I have been so embarrassed and ashamed by this that it eats at me every single day. My husband asks why I care so much about hiding. Who gives a bleep what others think. I think it’s because I don’t want to be looked at differently like I am weak or deformed. I don’t want people looking at me with weird looks or sadness or disgust. At some point, I need to be proud of what I have and do go through.
So, with this blog, I come out of hiding. As ugly as I may feel and as emotional as it makes me, I am posting some photos of my bare back with scoliosis. Writing this blog has sort of turned into a form of therapy for me. My husband, Neil, who god bless him, makes me feel beautiful even when I feel like quasi modo has given me the courage to do this. It might not seem like much to some, but this is a huge step for me. 
About The Author
April
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Living in this super warm coat all January. Also, this song has been stuck in my head all week…..
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Comment RUG and I’ll send you the info on this washable rug! New runner rug in our kitchen 🙌🏻 LOVE that it’s easy to clean.
New kitchen runner 🙌🏻 Wanted to add a pop of color for Spring. And it’s washable!! #kitchendecor #springdecor #homedecor
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THE MOST COMFY SHORTS YOU NEED NOW! I love my @thighsociety cargo shorts! They’re soft, don’t ride or roll up and can be worn as a base layer and by themselves 🙌🏻 They come in a variety of colors and I just love the cute pocket on the side. I wear these ALL. DAY. LONG! I’m wearing the cargo in the 5 inch inseam (they come in 5, 7 or 9). You need a pair, or 2, in your life. #thighsociety #comfystyle
Putting the last of the Christmas decorations away today. Does anyone else feel like your house looks so empty (but in a good way)after you store it all? 🤣 I love decorating for Christmas but I also feel a sense of calm once’s it’s all clean and back to normal. #blueandwhitekitchen #blueandwhiteforever
Love a good #LBD I’m sharing some of my favorite little black dresses over on my website. Go take a peak!
Ready to head back to Lake Tahoe and take in all this beauty. #laketahoe
#happynewyear from the Wagner 6 and Happy Happy 10th Birthday to my youngest baby, Nicky James. I can’t believe he’s double digits and what’s crazy to think about is that in 8 years, I’ll have 4 ADULT children…😭 Swipe left to the cutest little video of 3 year old Nicky thinking we’re at the North Pole. 🤣 #nye #familytime #momof4
Twirling into the New Year……. On the agenda, getting my health figured out, cleaner eating and more DIY home projects.
SAVE THIS RECIPE! These Ham and Gruyere Hand Pies are SO SIMPLE to make and DELICIOUS 🙌🏻 These make for a fun brunch/lunch idea and will be loved by all. You can also make in batches and reheat for later! You can even use that leftover ham from the holidays to make these too!
•preheat oven 400 (this will bake for 15-20 min)
•puff pastry cut into 12 equal sizes
•leftover Holiday ham for the win
•gruyere cheese (Swiss or brie work too)
•Dijon mustard
•egg brushes on the top
Make sure to use your fork around the edges to push the two pieces of pastry together for when it cooks. Cut a few small knife holes in the top to prevent bubbling. Enjoy! #handpie #puffpastry #puffpastryrecipes #forthoveofmeat
‘Tis the season to wear #plaid
Getting the table #christmasready Have to wake up early for my MRI and then hit the grocery store for some odds and ends. Then wrap all the Santa presents for 4 kids. 🥴🤣 Wish me luck. 🙈
“Keep the change ya filthy animal” This Home Alone sweater/hat set is a staple come #holidaytime
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SAVE AND SHARE THIS RECIPE! This was a big hit last year so I wanted to share it again! These brie and cranberry puff pastry bites are SO EASY to make and a crowd pleaser for that Holiday gathering.
•mini muffin pan
•store bought puff pastry
•brie cheese
•cranberry sauce
•fresh rosemary
Preheat your oven to 425. Do not put these in until your oven is preheated! Place squares of puff pastry into the muffin pan, followed by cubes of brie cheese and a scoop of cranberry sauce. Bake for 10 min and add rosemary sprigs for garnish. It’s that easy!!! #easyrecipes #holidayrecipes
Brrrr it’s a cold one today! #holidayoutfit
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SAVE AND SHARE THIS RECIPE! Super easy and fun to make with the kids, these Puff Pastry and Nutella Gingerbread men are the perfect easy holiday treat!
•1 pack of store bought puff pastry
•Nutella
•powdered sugar
Preheat the oven to 400. Roll out the puff pastry, spread a thin later of Nutella and add the second piece on top. Don’t forget to use the rolling pin to thin out the puff pastry. Use a cookie cutter to cut out the shapes and bake for 15 min. Sprinkle powdered sugar to the top.
#ad #WalmartPartner I LOVE the holidays! I especially love sharing my home with overnight guests and making them feel as welcome as possible! So that means, shopping at my favorite holiday go-to @Walmart 🙌🏻 This @Zinus mattress pops right out of the box and is SO comfortable. I’ve had so many compliments on how well guests have slept on it!! I use @Snuggle Blue Sparkle Fabric Softener on my sheets to give it that extra cozy flair, with 3x freshness ingredients & longer lasting softness*! Have overnight guests this Holiday season? Head over to #Walmart and snag everything you need to make your guests feel at home this Holiday season.
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SAVE AND SHARE THIS HOLIDAY RECIPE! I’m sharing this one again because it was a hit last year! My Fig and Goat Cheese Puff Pastry Bites are the PERFECT appetizer.
•puff pastry cut into squares
•fig jam
•goat cheese (cream cheese if you aren’t a goat cheese fan)
•walnut pieces
•mini muffin pan
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray muffin tin with non stick spray and place one puff pastry square in each muffin area and push down. Add a teaspoon of goat cheese and add the fig jam on top. Sprinkle walnut prices on top and place in the oven for 15 minutes. Serve and enjoy!!! Happy Holidays! #appetizerideas #holidayrecipes
My FAVORITE Holiday sweaters and flannel dresses are 25% off today 🙌🏻 #holidayoutfit
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SAVE THIS RECIPE POST! It’s another #puffpastry #recipe for the win 🙌🏻 Check out this SUPER EASY appetizer that’s perfect for Holiday party or football game coming up! You really only need TWO INGREDIENTS!
•Preheat oven to 400 (this will bake 12-15 min)
•Puff pastry
•pesto (I love the Costco pesto!)
•egg for egg wash over the twists
Make sure to put a good amount of pesto on the puff pastry. Twist and put on a non stick pan. Brush egg over the top to give it that golden color and bake for 12-15 min. Serve with marinara sauce and voilè you have yourself a crowd pleasing #holidayappetizers Enjoy! #holidayrecipes
Having a plaid moment! #holidayoutfit
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Brenda Dubatowka | 10th Mar 16
April – I think your blog is great. You are a very brave young lady!! Thank you for sharing your journey. You and your sweet family are in my prayers. Love you guys!!
-Brenda
ajwagner26| 10th Mar 16
Thank you Brenda! That means so much to me!
Sullivan | 11th Mar 16
Dear April,
Your blog is terrific. I’m happy your finding calm waters within this raging storm. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing your story. I admire your bravery and courage. Proud of you kid, keep ya head up. Love you miss you.
Laura
Laura Sullivan| 11th Mar 16
Dear April,
You log is terrific. I’m happy you are finding calm waters within a raging storm. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing your story. I admire your bravery and courage. Proud of you kid, keep ya head up. Love you miss you.
Laura
Evelyn | 11th Mar 16
Hi April, I hope you know we love you and pray for you. You are so brave!!!!
sowhatstheplanblog| 29th Apr 16
Given your achievements, wear it with pride. I used to hide my scars and twists, I was so aware and then it changed. Life stories to share when people ask. And I’ve found many who ask are harbouring worries of their own.
Jenny| 27th Jun 16
I have to tell you how much I related to your post. Growing up as a dancer with scoliosis (before and after my surgery) I was really self conscious in leotards, and so many teachers would try to correct my alignment and not understand why I or they couldn’t “fix” it. I had my fusion when I was 15 (20 years ago this month), and am happy to say I am a dance instructor and opened my own studio a few years ago 😀
smist | 26th Jul 16
Believe it or not. We have twin backs. I never had surgery. When I was pregnant there were no blogs like this and I was on my own.