Marriage Advice From A 30 Something Blogger

Marriage advice brought to you from the other side of ten beautiful years!

To celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary ala blogger style, I organized a sunset photo shoot while we were on our little getaway to Santa Barbara. I wanted to do something special to capture the love we still share after 10 years of marriage. I will cherish these photos forever as our photographer, Lauren MaeveMarriage advice brought t, did a wonderful job and they turned out beautifully. So today on CCG, I wanted to not only share our amazing sunset Santa Barbara pictures but also talk a little bit about what I have learned over the last decade being married and share with you some marriage advice and valuable things that I have learned over time.

It would be a crock to say that marriage is easy. Living with someone day in and day out, you are bound to get on each other’s nerves once in a while. Did I say once in a while? I meant all the time! Ha! I’m kidding. Of course, if you asked Neil what I do that annoys him, he would say I load the dish washer wrong and that I always leave a small bite of food or a sip of a drink left in the cup. I don’t know why that annoys him so much since the dishes always get cleaned and he always eats that little bite of food I leave. I wish I had emojis on my laptop because I would insert the little blonde gal with her arms up for this.

This morning, after I dropped the kids off at school (Neil is home sick) we were talking about personalities and how different my parents were from each other but that they have had a successful 35 year marriage. I think quite possibly because they balance out. My Dad is more logical and calm while my Mom can be emotional and stressed. Neil immediately says, “So which one’s are we?” It had me thinking…..It’s safe to say I am the one that can take on stressful situations and remain calm more so than Neil, but honestly we take turns. When one of us is having a bad day, we pick up the slack for each other and take on the extra minutia. I think this is so important in marriage. Sometimes, you have to just give the other person a break and choose your battles. It’s normal to argue here and there; especially when raising kids, running businesses, working, health issues etc.

Listen, marriage isn’t sunshine and sparkles all the time. In fact, we have endured some pretty tough moments over the span of the last decade we have been married. When I was in the hospital, not sure if I would even walk again, Neil  didn’t leave my side. He was my advocate, my best friend, my care giver. When I think back on that mountain we had to climb, I always picture Neil washing my hair and helping shave my legs those first few months. It was a literal nightmare that seemed never ending, but we stuck together as a family and we continue to push through it even now when I have medical setbacks. I learned during that situation, that Neil was the calm and collected one; the rock I needed him to be. He did not waiver and always stayed positive even when I just couldn’t. Over the years, difficulties arise and working as a team is absolutely KEY to a successful marriage. Those hard times and how you manage them together is so important and can actually bring you closer.

Marriage is about two people who work together, being someone they/you can always rely on, who you trust with every fiber of your being and who you love so deeply nothing can break that bond. It’s so important when times get tough, to stick together and climb those mountains as teammates. Marriage is work and you have to choose that person each morning you wake up. I have said it many times…..I don’t know where I’d be without Neil standing beside me and I will choose him every day for the rest of my life.

If I could give any other marriage advice or reiterate a point I have already made it would be:

1. Choose your battles and cut each other some slack
2. Patience!
3. Be HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY
4. Openly discuss your issues and why you may be mad
5. Always say “I love you”
6. Put the dishes in the dishwasher correctly (I kid)
7. Make date nights at least once per month (even just a dinner)
8. Kisses and hugs can go a long way
9. Be intimate regularly (it’s true)
10. Don’t give up. Marriage can be tough at times
11. Remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint (Neil’s advice!)

Remember, for marriage advice, it’s okay to get upset and it’s okay to have bad days. Try to think about why you love that person so much and work at the partnership each day. It’s truly amazing knowing how much I completely and without a doubt trust my husband and love him (even when I have to ask him to take out the garbage 10 times).

I am in no way a relationship guru, however, I am pretty proud of how we have navigated the last ten years and if any of this helps someone, then that’s fabulous and worth sharing all this marriage advice.

Have a great Friday, April!